


The Mistress and the Queen

by StoneForests



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-26 22:15:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20397004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoneForests/pseuds/StoneForests
Summary: Clara ends up going for coffee with Missy and learns something she never expected.





	The Mistress and the Queen

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for a zine that never got published.

Missy was well-known for having a reason for everything that she did, whether it was simply boredom or to further another nefarious scheme. That being said, Clara had no idea what Missy’s reasons could be to invite her out for coffee. And the cafe was  _ nice _ , too, no dead bodies around or anything. The only thing out of place was Missy herself, seeing as nobody in the 21 st century dressed like Mary Poppins outside of conventions. 

“Why am I here?” she asked as calmly as she could, sitting across from the Time Lady carefully. She noticed a tray on the table with three cups of coffee, frowning slightly. It was only the two of them, wasn’t it?

“Because I wanted to have a little girls’ day,” Missy explained with a shrug. “I’ve got nobody to gossip with, since Thete’s always shut up in that box of his.”

“You called UNIT to bring me to some cafe so you could  _ gossip _ ?” It was a conscious effort to keep her tone neutral, trying to avoid attracting attention.

“That’s what friends do, isn’t it?” Clara nearly laughed. Missy considered her a friend, after everything that’d happened?

“We’re not-” she started, and then sighed, deciding to avoid an argument. “Okay, yeah.”  _ Great. I just made friends with a demented Mary Poppins who kills people when she’s bored. I just love my life. _ “So, what do you want to talk about?”

“People usually talk about their significant others,” Missy said, passing Clara a cup of coffee. “Unless I misunderstood something?”

“No, yeah, that’s what people usually do. But I thought we were both single,” Clara replied, stirring in a bit of cream and sugar. 

“Thought wrong,” Missy deadpanned. Clara snorted, and then paused for a minute, surprised at herself. 

“So, uh, you’ve got a-” Clara started, only for Missy to cut her off. 

“A wife, yes. Have for several centuries now.”

“Another Time Lord? I mean, Time Lady?” Before Missy could answer, another Scottish-accented voice spoke up from behind Clara.

“Talking about me already?” Clara turned to see a redheaded woman who appeared to be about the same age as Missy, though dressed more conspicuously in a red silk blouse under a black pantsuit. So  _ that’s _ who the third cup was for. 

“I don’t know why you expected me to be doing anything  _ else _ , Rani dear,” Missy said, batting her eyelashes innocently. The woman, evidently called the Rani, sat down next to Missy, taking a drink from the cup Missy passed her. 

“I  _ was _ trying to work, you know.”

“Yes, but I also know you’d do anything for a cup of coffee, so here we are.” The Rani snorted.

“You make it sound like I have a caffeine addiction.”

“Well, perhaps you  _ do _ . After all, you take plenty of caffeine supplements throughout the day.”

“So would anyone else who put up with your bullshit on a daily basis,” the Rani deadpanned. Clara laughed. 

“I like you,” she said. “What’re you doing with someone like Missy?”

“Much as she grates on my nerves in her current incarnation,” the Rani said, laughing as Missy looked mock-offended, “I actually do love her. Have since we were kids, really.”

“So, you were childhood friends with her too, like you were with the Doctor?” Clara asked. 

“The three of us in particular grew up together,” Missy explained. “We even shared a dormitory room when we went to the Academy.”

“And I’m the reason you two even  _ passed _ ,” the Rani teased. 

“Don’t be rude.” 

“If that’s what you consider  _ rude _ , my love, allow me to introduce you to the backhanded ways of almost every royal court in existence.”

“Sounds like politics in general,” Clara joked. The Rani laughed and set her coffee down. 

“That’s truer than you think, Clara.”

“I don’t remember telling you my name,” Clara said, a bit confused. 

“Time Lords are telepathic, Clara dear, remember?” Missy explained. “Most of the time, spouses share a bond that allows them to communicate, share feelings and thoughts, et cetera.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone use ‘et cetera’ in a sentence before today, outside of reading papers.”

“I’m not sure how long you’ve known Missy, then,” the Rani said, laughing at the look Missy gave her. “My love, you have an uncanny ability to be over-the-top in everything you do.”

“That may be true, but you don’t have to  _ tell her that _ ,” Missy whined. The Rani leaned over and kissed her, effectively shutting her up for a full minute. 

“Well, now I know what to do if she ever gets on my nerves,” Clara said, laughing. “Just call you.”

“I should’ve added that to my vows, then,” the Rani remarked as she picked up her coffee again. “ _ I promise to be the one to shut up my idiot spouse whenever possible _ .” Missy swatted her lightly.

“How come you said ‘spouse’ instead of just ‘wife’?” Clara asked. “Not that there’s anything  _ wrong _ with that, obviously.”

“Because when we got married, I still had a male body,” Missy explained. “Time Lords can change gender when they regenerate. The Rani preferred to stay female, the Doctor preferred to stay male- although I’m not entirely sure he  _ was _ strictly male in a few of those bodies- and I decided to change it up a little the last time I regenerated.”

“Oh, so you like both men and women?” Clara asked, looking over at the Rani. 

“As is the way with most Time Lords, I don’t have a gender preference, given that gender is rather fluid,” she replied. “I believe the term is  _ pansexual _ ?” Clara nodded. 

“I’m bisexual, myself,” she said. “Had a bit of a thing with Jane Austen the last time the Doctor and I were there.” The Rani laughed, and the three women lapsed into a comfortable silence. After a few minutes, though, the Rani glanced at her watch. 

“I should probably be heading back to work, my love,” she said, leaning over to give Missy another brief kiss. Before she stood up, however, she pulled a pen from her pocket and scribbled a set of numbers on a napkin before handing it to Clara. “I don’t use my phone often, but in case there’s a Missy-related emergency, feel free to call.”

“Or we could start scheduling gossip sessions,” Clara added, grinning. 

“Give the Doctor my best. Oh, and send me a picture of the look on his face when you tell him I’m still kicking.” The Rani paused, glancing over at Missy. “Between the two of us, he might just regenerate.”

“In that case, don’t say anything yet,” Missy interjected. “I want to be there when he finds out for himself.”

“Perhaps I’ll pay him a visit the next time he picks Clara up,” the Rani said. Her watch beeped insistently, and she groaned dramatically. “Damn. I’ve got to go. Behave, Missy.”

“No promises, dove.” The Rani rolled her eyes playfully and waved at Clara before walking out of the cafe. Missy watched her leave, and once she was out of eyesight, turned back to Clara. 

“So, who’s paying?”


End file.
